privacy or secrets

I just made the mistake of typing a comment on another blog using this alias. My husband walked in brushing his teeth, and went to the screen to read my comment. I put my hand over the comment, and asked him not to read it, which surprised him. He asked why I wouldn’t let him read it, when I would let the whole world read it on the internet.

How do I explain that I just need one place that is mine alone, where I can think my thoughts and not have to justify, explain, or worry about what others think? It’s not that I don’t want him here. My husband is wonderful and understanding. He still loves and supports me, even though I’ve had a turn in beliefs from when we got married. He believes people need to find what is right for them.

So why do I want this? It doesn’t even make sense to me. It also makes me nervous, like I have some secret I need to protect.  I just want to work through my faith problems on my own.

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~ by woundedhart on August 20, 2007.

5 Responses to “privacy or secrets”

  1. I think we all need some privacy — especially when working out our thoughts about something. It is much more difficult to do that if we are always wondering what someone will think of us.

    By the way, Woundedhart, I have added your blog to my blogroll today. Thank you for such an interesting blog!

  2. Thank you, Paul. One of the things that helps me the most is knowing that there are others who have had the same struggles as I, and have survived, and even become better people in the process. Thank you for understanding, and for offering your thoughts.

  3. I know I’m late to all these posts, but I find your entries concise and intriguing. Forgive my tardiness.

    Perhaps the greatest advantage to maintaining some level of privacy is that we need to know that our exploratory comments–words that may or may not settle into an abiding belief–are not going to hurt those we love. If my wife read all I wrote she would worry needlessly about questions I raised or the way I raised them. Sometimes we just need to explore our beliefs without worrying about how our words will affect our spouse.

  4. Ungewiss, there’s no such thing as “late” in a blog. Thank you for coming. I hadn’t thought of it your way, but you’re completely right. My words may not be what I will end up believing. They are exploratory, and I’m glad to know that now. It helps somehow.

  5. I hope I am not presumptuous in responding to your blog. I really enjoy the way you express yourself. I agree with the need for privacy. I write my feelings in my e-journal which I keep securely with me at all times. Often I wonder why I am writing things that I can’t share with my spouse. But it is a process that helps me clarify my thinking. Will we be exposed someday, as Mother Teresa was, by having our loved ones read our most private thoughts as we struggle with our faith? I can only hope, if they do, that they read the entire journey from beginning to end and come to understand that doubt is a natural part of maturing.

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