I hope my kids don’t grow up gay

Is that a horrible title, or what? Yet it is true. I find myself thinking about this every once in a while, and every time the gay Mormon issue comes up in the bloggernacle. How can I express that I hope my kids never have to go through what so many people experience. And I don’t mean only Mormons. There are so many sides to the issue.

I have a sibling who is gay, who stopped attending church as an adolescent. I have no idea if it was because Al already knew he was gay, or if he really just didn’t believe. Or maybe it was too boring. He has never told me he is gay. I suspected for many years, and my suspicions were confirmed one day by a comment from my mom, who also had a gay sibling.

I have read of the struggles of gays in the church, how they grow up with low self-worth and eventually either overcome their natures and live as hetero-married people or celibate gays, or leave the church and feel rejected by family and/or friends. I know this is a gross over-simplification, especially since my own sibling does not fall into either of those categories. He left the church, but retains his friends and the love and support of his family. But it seems like both of these things happen a lot.

I am not ready to stop attending church. I haven’t left my belief behind. I’m not ready to give up something that is, in many ways, beautiful and reassuring to me, just because the current leaders (mortal, conservative, rich, old, American males who are victims of their own circumstances) have views that are exclusionary to a specific group of people. That has certainly happened before, and has been repaired.

But what happens if one of my kids turns out to be gay? They will grow up in the current church. Will I be able to help them become who they want to be, without letting them feel beaten-down by the church their parents believe in? Will I be able to show them the love that I believe God has for everyone, regardless of their personality traits, life decisions, or orientation? (Yes, I believe if God loves me, he loves the mortal, conservative, rich, old, American males too.) I don’t know if I’m prepared to take on that kind of challenge. I don’t know if I have the tools.


~ by woundedhart on August 24, 2007.

4 Responses to “I hope my kids don’t grow up gay”

  1. You have the tools. You love your children and that is all that is needed.
    Blessed Be.

  2. I think we are much more capable of dealing with life’s many challenges than we sometimes give ourselves credit for. So, I think you might surprise yourself with your competence if the situation arose that one of your children was gay.

    By the way, I admire your spirit in asserting that God loves everyone. To me, that is one of the most beautiful lessons of Christianity.

  3. You better be careful, given the family history you just shared here, with this cyberspace knocking on wood and with the eventual roll of those genetic dice. Chances are…..I dunno, decent, that you’re going have at least one gay child. I have two gay siblings, a gay aunt, and a gay great-uncle. Yeah, I think it’s largely genetic. And I hope I have at least one gay child. I’m no longer active, but I still embrace my Mormon identity and heritage. I stopped participating primarily over this issue.

  4. и всё эе: спасибо..

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